me
Brain, today is Autistic Pride Day.
brain
Uh-huh.
(a moment of silence)
me
Maybe we should write something? Something... positive?
brain
Do you seriously want to write a post in this state?
(a moment of silence)
me
You know... we're supposed to feel proud.
brain
This isn't about lack of pride. It's about the fact that you're completely worn down.
me
Because I am.
brain
Because you're doing the work of the whole system. Therapists, assistants, school, the state. Every day you rebuild the world from scratch so it makes sense for the children. And then you're also supposed to celebrate?
(a longer silence)
me
So what do we do?
brain
Nothing. We sit. We stare at the wall. And we are who we are.
me
Even when it hurts.
brain
Exactly when it hurts.
me
We don't have to prove anything to anyone.
brain
Because our lives have value. Full stop.
me
Because we are. And that really is enough.
(silence, staring at the wall)
me
Seriously, today is very bad.
brain
I know. But I'm here. The whole time.
me
Hard to miss. Monologues, race-condition thoughts...
brain
I know. I'm not exactly user-friendly.
me
But you're mine.
brain
And always on your side. Even when I go wild.
me
And the children.
brain
...
Ending
This is not a post about celebration. It is a post about being. About the fact that even when everything hurts and nothing works, simply being an autistic person in a world that does not understand it already means something.